I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
