Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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