Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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