If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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