he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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