hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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