i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
