Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
