Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When are your genitals available?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
