he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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