nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
