I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
