This is not my ceiling
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
