Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I sprained my soul last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
