when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
