I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
