Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
