So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
