She is in my trunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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