He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
