The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
