everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
