Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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