Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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