she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
