the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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