8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
