Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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