The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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