i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
