I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
