I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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