Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
