her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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