planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
