I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
