Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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