I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
