u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
