Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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