These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize