HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
