If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
