Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
