apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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