just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I deserve this hangover.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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