i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
