I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
