this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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