I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
