I cut my penus on the lid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
