Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
