We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
