Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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