wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
