Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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