Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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