No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
