dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
