Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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