I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
