Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
