She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
