If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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