I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
