If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
