I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
