guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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