I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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