It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
