all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
