I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
