I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
