Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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